Ten things to do in a lift
by blessedarethecracked
Summary: Kratos and Zelos are trying to get a little ...privacy...and the only way they can do this is by using the Tower of Salvation lift. Unfortunatly they don't realise what an unbelievably unfortunate day they've chosen to use it..
1. Just one hour

**I wrote this in a fit of mid-exam week hysteria. When we were out of coffee. yeh. Out of coffee. I've no idea whether I should continue this, please r & r nd let me know, personally I dont think its any good but i'm getting reviwe withdrawal symptoms... enjoy the caffeine deprived madness! **

Kratos awoke to find himself rising.. And falling.. And rising.. And falling and..

"Zelos."

"yeeeeees?

"What the hell am I doing slung over your shoulder?"

"AHA!"

"… yes?"

"don't you mean what the hell are YOU doling not waking up when I slung you over my shoulder over half an hour ago?"

Kratos contemplated this. Kratos felt stupid.

"No.."

"Well you should. Otherwise some other dashing stranger will fling you over their shoulder and have their wicked way with you."

Kratos sighed.

"And you're hear to do .. What with me, exactly."

Zelos smiled, devilishly. And unceremoniously dropped him.

"Were here."

The tower of salvation.

"Here?"

"Yup."

"…"

"Kratooos.."

"What."

"D'you remember last night?"

"Vaguely."

"And no matter where we went to get a little… privacy … someone always followed. And interrupted."

"Um.. Yeh.. And?"

Zelos smiled again. Scary.

"This lift takes you to the top of the tower."

"Yes I know Zelos, I help design it…"

"Mhhm."

"… and ?"

"Aaaand.."

"What?"

"Takes an hour."

"Ye-… are you suggesting…"

Zelos raised an eyebrow

"You are aren't you?! You're actually suggesting that we sing our way through the entire score of Cats?? You naughty naughty man!"

Picking Kratos up once more and this time hurling him into the lift, Zelos hit the button to close the door behind him, removed his waistcoat and loosened his trousers.

"Well who knows… lots of things you can do in a lift…"


	2. I'm not gay!

**Disclaimer note.. or is it? ok, part of the soryline for this chapter isn't entirely original as my dear muse Zoe suggested bringing a pathetic Kratos-deprived Yuan into it, but the rest is all entirely out of my head. A very scary thought. even scarier: we now have coffee. Decafinated coffee. plunges head in freezer **

Yuan lay on the ground, beating his fists on the dirt and pining pathetically as the lift grew smaller into the distance and the moans coming from it grew ever fainter. Sniffing and wiping his eyes he looked altogether pitiful with a hairbrush entangled in his long wet locks, a hunk of mascara clumping his lashes and the eyeliner he had so painstakingly applied running down his cheeks as he wept. His cloak was back to front. He hadn't had the time to straighten his hair so it was in an explosion of ringlets. And the dress he had given up oxygen to squeeze into gave a mournful wail and finally ripped. Not batting an eyelid, a tall skinny youth clad in nothing but red cast a shadow over him and indifferently greeted him.

"Hey Yuan"

Picking himself off from the ground, Yuan set about finding some safety pins to make himself decent and replied

"hi Lloyd"

Frowning, Lloyd picked up the roses he had flung aside in his desperation and handed them back to him

"you.. er.. dropped these. Ah.. you.. I dunno.. alright? You look a bit.. Um.. stressed out dude?"

Normally a Kratos deprived Yuan would have been tempted to explain to Lloyd that his date and his perfectly straight father had forgotten him for a quick spin in a lift with his best friend, but Lloyd was kind of cute in an unbelievably stupid way and he chose not to.

"I -ah- think my date just forgot that he-she- was meeting me"

Shrugging, Lloyd suddenly set about concealing a pink bag he was struggling with

"ya' know it takes less time to get to the top by stairs than in the left. If we flew up I'm sure you could meet him in twenty minutes or something.."

Eyeing him suspiciously, Yuan agreed. " Her. I'm not gay or anything." he corrected, adding hysterical laughter to reinforce it "What about you? Why d'you need to get to the top?"

Blushing inconspicuously, Lloyd shrugged nonchalantly "no reason. Just.. aah.. gotta meet someone."

"rrrright.. Well, um, sure. I brought pink wings to go with my dress anyway" he smiled and pouted "I'm so co-ordinated!"

Lloyd raised an eyebrow "you sure you're not gay?"

"Me? Gay? Who said anything about being gay? Nice weather we're having, what d'you have for lunch today? Oh look I think it's raining , we best find a sequinned umbrella, no this dress isn't lycra, sorry auntie, I meant to call but the universe re-booted, you're just stupid, you're lying , just SHUT UP ALREADY!" breathing heavily, Yuan set upon Lloyd with an icy stare. "we never speak of this again, you understand?"

"um.. Sure."

"now to the top of the tower to fight to the death over Kratos! I'm coming, my love!"

"excuse me?"

"aah. Kratos. I call my glove Kratos. And I left him there last time I was here hehehe wasn't that stupid? Oh look it really is raining, best get going, come on now-"

Meanwhile, Zelos had finally managed to stop Kratos whacking the bottom of the lift and moaning.

" dude, you can see him another time.."

"yeh, but he was wearing the dress I bought him.."

"…"

"whaaat?"

"you never bought _me_ a dress."

"Jesus Christ, ok, when we get to the top of the lift I/will/buy/you/a/showgirl/outfit? Okay?"

Pouncing on him, Zelos grinned wickedly

"and handcuffs..?"

Kratos paused for a moment and then grinned back.

"and handcuffs."


	3. ballet shoes and mushrooms!

**Alright, so its not such a long or snazzy chapter this time, but I reckoned it was time to update, nd this is more like a stepping stone to the next better one! keep reading! and review! and enjoy!**

Alighting gracefully on the stairwell, Colette glanced warily over her shoulder, giggled hysterically and skipped happily down the next flight of stairs before crashing straight into Lloyd and Yuan.

"sorry ladies…" she muttered before stepping aside to let them pass.

"Ladies!" cried Lloyd

"thank you" muttered Yuan, already at the top of the next flight.

"hey, Colette! Its us!" Lloyd yelled, grabbing onto the back of her collar

"LLOYD! OH SHIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? I DIDN'T MEAN TO! OH GOD I'M SO SORRY! IT WASN'T MY FAULT YOU SEE! I TRIED BUT HE MADE ME DO IT! I'M INNOCENT!" she screamed, clinging desperately to his sleeve and sobbing.

"er... You wha?" he blinked, petting her on the head "Colette.. Tell me truthfully.." he said softly, cupping her chin and raising her face to his. Her face streamed with tears, all she could do was mutter 'sorry'"have you-"

"mhmm" she muttered miserably

"been eating those mushrooms again?"

"excuses me?"

"have you been eating those mushrooms again? Cos you know you aren't making any sense…"

She smiled. And giggled. And clapped her hands together

"oh you are just so stupid!" she cried delightedly pulling away from him "never mind! I'm not sorry! I was never here! Oh.. And if Sheena asks, I'm still on for tonight" she cried merrily and skipped away. Lloyd raised an eyebrow

"you know she must think I'm stupid or something! I can always tell when she's been at the mushrooms.. Gets paranoid that I know 'what she did', starts crying and asks me to forgive her.. Asks me if I want her to leave… says 'he made me do it'.. yup.. All the signs are there. It has to be drugs. It could not possibly be any single thing other than drugs." he sighed contentedly. "Y'know sometimes I think we are just the perfect couple."

Yuan smiled nervously and coughed, "um. Yeh. Lloyd have you ever wondered- OH MY GOD! THEY'LL NEARLY BE AT THE TOP! I'VE GOT TO CATCH HIM- I MEAN.. MY DATE!" and they began to hurl themselves up the remaining stairs.

"Kratos" Zelos began frankly "tell me honestly. What the hell are a pair of ballet shoes doing down your trousers?" leaping apart from him, Kratos immediately flung the offending shoe to the other side of the lift and screamed "oh my God, look! it's the evil Mithos back from the dead!"

"Kratos!" he muttered "you tried that trick on me last time when you were scared that we would be interrupted by Lloyd, do you honestly think it's going to work again?"

"no, but really!"

"this doesn't make any sense at all! I mean normally when I kidnap you and take you to impossible places you spend most of the time trying to find a way out.. Today you .. You almost wanted to come here…" his face suddenly fell "oh…" he breathed "oh no.."

"what? What is it?"

"am I.." he breathed "am I becoming predictable?"

Taking a glance at the shoe and then back to Zelos's torn face, Kratos sighed "no, no you're not."

"oh good!" he chirped "now you can tell me what the shoe is for.."


End file.
